My upstairs neighbors are moving out today.
I wasn't aware of their impending departure until around eight o'clock this morning when the hustle and bustle of furniture and belongings exiting the building began. I have to say I feel a little sad at the thought, even though I would have to check the mail boxes downstairs in the lobby to see what their names are. Having bumped into them occasionally on the elevator ride to our respective homes, I feel a nice sort of connection that comes from pleasantries exchanged over time.
A friend of mine had lamented my move from single family home ownership to apartment rental. He couldn't conceive of being surrounded by the noise of other people's daily lives. Dishwashers running, toilets flushing in the middle of the night and doors opening and closing were more than he could imagine, let alone bear, on any kind of regular basis. I imagine many people feel that way, considering the American dream is to cozy up to one's own fireplace with a cup of hot cocoa, a thirty year mortgage and the peace and serenity that come from knowing your neighbors are at least a hundred yards away. More peace and quiet, more distance, less hassle. Dealing with strangers in close proximity on a consistent basis takes time and patience. Believing we are the only people in the universe must be suspended, as does the need to feel offended by a good bit of other people's behavior.
Mostly, its about forgiveness and forbearance.
I was first introduced to the companionate relationship between forgiveness and forbearance by a woman in the first congregation I served. Offered up as some comfort regarding a nasty little church squabble, her words stuck with me, and I now have come to regard them as two of the greatest luxuries of being a grown up.
I didn't pull them back out of my memory for real use until years later during my stint as a retail manager. It was then, while addressing customer service and employee management issues, that I began to realize how much better it felt not to hold grudges, plot revenge or react to situations with rancor and rage. Forgiving people their foolishness, poor communication skills and rudeness made it much easier to simply get to the heart of the matter and deal with the problem that needed to be fixed. I felt much better not needing to be right, but instead invested my energy in correcting the situation and moving on to whatever else needed to be done.
The forbearance part came into play most often with disgruntled employees who either felt compelled to pick fights with customers who had hurt their feelings or had made them angry. Taking a deep breath, letting oneself unhook from those kind of feelings and moving into a helping stance is very had to do. It takes consciousness, loads of practice and the ability to stay engaged in situations that frequently feel as if you are being blind sided by a truck. What helped some of my sales associates and assistant management staff become more familiar with the concept was seeing me work with customers at different levels of irritation and rage.
Most people just want to feel heard, so listening was key, and making sure the customer could see I was paying attention to them was doubly important. Eye contact, affirming nods and verbal agreement made it clear to them that they were my focus. After that, it was simply a matter of figuring out what they wanted, giving it to them if I could or offering another suggestion if I couldn't and following through on that offer. With rare exception the customer was thanking me, giving me a hug and offering to buy my coffee before they waked back out the door. When they came back to shop they sought me out, showed me their children's latest school pictures and inquired about my life as if we were old friends. It feels as miraculous now as it did then.
Forgiveness and forbearance are indeed miracles, luxurious in ways that cannot be quantitatively measured. Like fine wine, each takes care, caution and time to produce, but are worth the necessary effort. Forgiving is giving something to another person before they may deserve it in our eyes. Forbearance is continuing that practice of forgiveness for as long as it takes. I believe Jesus said something about "seventy times seven," but I don't think he was being literal, just expansive and generous.
Perhaps those are two more luxuries of being a grown up.
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Saturday, September 22, 2007
Serving Your Purpose
Purpose is a pretty big deal.
In the context of life, purpose matters. Our purpose is the answer to the age-old question, "Why are we here?" When we find ourselves wondering what difference our lives make or even why we were born, our purpose is the reason. We each were created and came to be here on earth with a specific mission that would serve humanity in a uniquely powerful way, a way that could not be manifested by anyone else on the planet at this time. We all share in our collective gifts, skills and talents, and we are all served by each other's purpose.
What is your purpose? Discovering your reason for being, at whatever point in life you find yourself, is a prospecting expedition filled with unexpected treasures. Serving that purpose, nurturing it to its fullest capacity to give to others, can deepen into a life-long passion full of wealth and happiness.
Where are you in your life journey? Take a few moments right now to consider what you enjoy in your life. What do you feel good about? What brings you pleasure or a sense of fulfillment? Perhaps the relationships in your life, family, friends or co-workers, are satisfying and special to you. For some people work is much more than a paycheck, but also a source of creative inspiration. For others hobbies, such as gardening, decorating, camping or canoeing bring them endless delight. Chances are very good that what brings you pleasure is somehow connected to your purpose.
Does that surprise you? For some reason purpose has gotten the bad rap of being difficult, miserable, even a burden, and as far away from what we naturally love doing as can possibly be. Simply put, it's not. Our purpose is a part of us, a part of what we love about ourselves that we can't wait to share.
Having identified what brings you joy, how do you share that with other people? How are other people served by what you bring to life? Are you a parent whose home is open to the neighborhood children? Perhaps your purpose is listening and advising young people. Do your organizational skills benefit the efficiency and over-all positive energy of the company for which you work? Perhaps your purpose is to create a framework for those around you to do their jobs well. Do your skills in food preparation bring praise from those who are lucky enough to sample your culinary delights? Perhaps your purpose is based in hospitality.
Most of us have come to believe that purpose is grand, larger than life and only valuable if worthy of being made into a Broadway musical extravaganza. While the stage is meant for some, our own, individual stories are profoundly more interesting. Being able to make a friend laugh, presenting a solid talk about values at a PTA meeting or teaching someone how to write a love letter may make much more impact in transforming the world than we will ever know. Purpose matters because we never know how many people we will touch by living into what we have been created to do and be.
Now, one more thing to consider. How will you serve this purpose you have identified as your own? How will you nurture it, care for it, so that you may continue to use it well in service to others? Based in these questions is the simple truth that we must care for ourselves before we can care for others. It may seem selfish or out of order to care for ourselves first, but the reality is no one else is going to do it for us, and feeding and growing our purpose is a crucial part of living our lives fully and happily.
My guess is that gardeners understand this concept very well. Known for their gift of producing great displays of color and texture, quite literally from dirt, they are also aware of the time, planning and grunt work it takes to produce these natural marvels. What motivates them? Seed catalogues, florist shops, appreciation of other gardeners' efforts and results. They give themselves the gift of loving what they do best in all kinds of forms and shapes and sizes. They nurture their purpose by connecting to it everywhere they can find it. It's a great example we can all follow. Pay attention for ways you can serve and nurture your purpose every day.
Whether you have recently discovered your purpose or you are an old hand at sharing your gifts with others, we each have the chance to make a difference in other people's lives while enriching our own. The wealth of living one's purpose well may or may not be financial. But true abundance can be measured in as many ways as we can make a positive influence in the world each day.
In the context of life, purpose matters. Our purpose is the answer to the age-old question, "Why are we here?" When we find ourselves wondering what difference our lives make or even why we were born, our purpose is the reason. We each were created and came to be here on earth with a specific mission that would serve humanity in a uniquely powerful way, a way that could not be manifested by anyone else on the planet at this time. We all share in our collective gifts, skills and talents, and we are all served by each other's purpose.
What is your purpose? Discovering your reason for being, at whatever point in life you find yourself, is a prospecting expedition filled with unexpected treasures. Serving that purpose, nurturing it to its fullest capacity to give to others, can deepen into a life-long passion full of wealth and happiness.
Where are you in your life journey? Take a few moments right now to consider what you enjoy in your life. What do you feel good about? What brings you pleasure or a sense of fulfillment? Perhaps the relationships in your life, family, friends or co-workers, are satisfying and special to you. For some people work is much more than a paycheck, but also a source of creative inspiration. For others hobbies, such as gardening, decorating, camping or canoeing bring them endless delight. Chances are very good that what brings you pleasure is somehow connected to your purpose.
Does that surprise you? For some reason purpose has gotten the bad rap of being difficult, miserable, even a burden, and as far away from what we naturally love doing as can possibly be. Simply put, it's not. Our purpose is a part of us, a part of what we love about ourselves that we can't wait to share.
Having identified what brings you joy, how do you share that with other people? How are other people served by what you bring to life? Are you a parent whose home is open to the neighborhood children? Perhaps your purpose is listening and advising young people. Do your organizational skills benefit the efficiency and over-all positive energy of the company for which you work? Perhaps your purpose is to create a framework for those around you to do their jobs well. Do your skills in food preparation bring praise from those who are lucky enough to sample your culinary delights? Perhaps your purpose is based in hospitality.
Most of us have come to believe that purpose is grand, larger than life and only valuable if worthy of being made into a Broadway musical extravaganza. While the stage is meant for some, our own, individual stories are profoundly more interesting. Being able to make a friend laugh, presenting a solid talk about values at a PTA meeting or teaching someone how to write a love letter may make much more impact in transforming the world than we will ever know. Purpose matters because we never know how many people we will touch by living into what we have been created to do and be.
Now, one more thing to consider. How will you serve this purpose you have identified as your own? How will you nurture it, care for it, so that you may continue to use it well in service to others? Based in these questions is the simple truth that we must care for ourselves before we can care for others. It may seem selfish or out of order to care for ourselves first, but the reality is no one else is going to do it for us, and feeding and growing our purpose is a crucial part of living our lives fully and happily.
My guess is that gardeners understand this concept very well. Known for their gift of producing great displays of color and texture, quite literally from dirt, they are also aware of the time, planning and grunt work it takes to produce these natural marvels. What motivates them? Seed catalogues, florist shops, appreciation of other gardeners' efforts and results. They give themselves the gift of loving what they do best in all kinds of forms and shapes and sizes. They nurture their purpose by connecting to it everywhere they can find it. It's a great example we can all follow. Pay attention for ways you can serve and nurture your purpose every day.
Whether you have recently discovered your purpose or you are an old hand at sharing your gifts with others, we each have the chance to make a difference in other people's lives while enriching our own. The wealth of living one's purpose well may or may not be financial. But true abundance can be measured in as many ways as we can make a positive influence in the world each day.
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